29,470 Crank Revolutions Equals… What?

 

Well, 29,470 crank revolutions equals 100 miles on the fixed gear (fixie) while running a 44 x 18 setup. Yep. 42 on Saturday and 58 on Super Bowl Sunday. No joke, jokester. 
 
This weekend I tried to dial it up a notch in preparation for The 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo. The weather SUCKED for the last 4 days – so I modified my training plan. 100+ miles is the goal for every weekend, but I had to change my strategy since the trails are snow packed, slushy, muddy… whatever. 
 
Yep. I was forced to bring out the fixie and punish myself in the neighborhood hills. Punishment was the goal and punish I did – in a very unorthodox fashion. 
 
Unorthodox? Yeah. As you all know. I do everything my way – which you’d say is the wrong way. But my way builds ‘toughness’ that can’t be achieved through normal training routines. 
 
The Strategy:
  • Friday and Saturday are ‘fun’ days. The real training starts on Sunday when the body is trashed, the mind is weak, the will is lost. 
So here is how it goes:
  • On Saturday put in a normal 42 miles on the fixie. Ride hard. Ensure that the legs are destroyed. 
  • Once finished with the Saturday ride… start a cheeseburger, beer, ice cream binge. 
  • Hit the hay completely dehydrated, yet bloated. This ensures that you get zero sleep. Your body has no chance to recover.
  • Wake up every hour, on the hour and think about how this state of dehydration is going screw you (I mean ‘me’) on the Sunday ride. 
  • Wake up before the sun rises and drink as much coffee as possible – just to guarantee that you (I mean ‘I’) start the ride completely dehydrated. 
  • Make a monster breakfast – 4 egg sandwich with green chili and doused in Oskar Blues 10 Fidy Hot Sauce. 
  • Jump on the bike with a full bladder and a brutal case of indigestion.
  • ONLY take ONE water bottle and ZERO food. Deal with the dehydration LIKE a MAN. And don’t cry to mommy about being hungry. DEAL WITH IT. We must be tough if we (I mean ‘I’) want to survive the Arizona 300 and the Colorado Trail Race. 
  • Ride for 58 miles / 5 hours on the fixie – all the time trying to deal with massive bladder pressure – never stopping to relieve the pressure or puke to relieve the indigestion. 
  • Finish the ride, 100 miles for the weekend, just in time for Super Bowl madness. 
What I Learned:
  • Do what you got to do to simulate the extreme pain and suffering of 24 hour racing. 
  • If your head is freezing, your hands are cold, your toes are numb – think about the extreme bladder pain. You’ll soon forget about how cold it is. Even if it’s 25 but feels like 15. Even if the gust are 30 or 40 mph.
  • Bladder pain is so much more severe while trying to control the fixie on the downhill sections. Don’t believe me? Build up a fixie and follow the training strategy described above, dude!
What you, The BPR Fan should understand:
  • As The Lt Col says: brakes are unnecessary when riding a fixie. Yeah. I hit the brakes ONCE during the 100 weekend miles. No Joke. Yeah, that lady that wanted to run me into the snow pile was real cool. Real cool, dudette!
  • Denim is cool. Denim is bitchin’ Denim with B.P.R. patches is all time. 
  • Yeah. I could hire a Swedish massage therapist – but if you need a massage to recover, you’ve given up and admitted weakness. 
  • Yeah, I could hire a Mediterranean chef, but if you can’t survive on cheeseburgers and beer, you’ve given up and admitted weakness. 
  • Yeah, I could sit on the couch and cry to mommy about the cold. But if I did that – The B.P.R. Morale Chairman would say “Judd, you’re F*^kin’ WEAK!”
Denim is COOL!
The Judd has Cheek Wrinkles!
The Judd needs a HAIRCUT!

 

In the end:
  • The fixie experience is unreal. Nothing like being forced to pedal – all the time. 
  • If I say I’m gonna ride 100 miles per weekend in preparation for The 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo, then I’m gonna ride 100 miles. No matter what. I think. 
To Conclude:
  • You, The B.P.R. Fan, must remember…. We, The Back of the Pack Racers, don’t race. We just ride. We aren’t racers, we aren’t hipsters (what’s a hipster?) we aren’t role models. We are single speed fanatics with titanium addictions. AND we are jokesters. No joke, jokester. 
  • So. Enjoy these postings and go to sleep with a smile. And if that’s impossible – show up at Old Pueblo and work in our pit. We’ll make you laugh… Or cry. 
The Data:

The Neighborhood Route: Ride, Repeat, Ride, Repeat, Ride, Repeat, etc
 
The Saturday Cruise

 

The Sunday Torture Fest


The Pics:






The Fixie, The Snow, The Beer
The Foxy Mamas complain that The Judd doesn’t smile enough.
Well, Hotties, how is this smile?

 

Maybell, The TeddNeck’s buddy, digs the Woofer.

4 thoughts on “29,470 Crank Revolutions Equals… What?”

  2. You know it – obviously. The fixie experience definitely adds a cool dimension to biking. Time for me to man up and convert one of the SS mtn bikes to fixie. Yep, I'm ready for the challenge.

    Like

  3. good luck at old pueble judd!!! wish port-a-nester and i could be there to support BPR. why is your house for sale? where are you going???

    Like

  4. Hey Cindy. Bummer that you guys can't make it. Oh well. There are always other races. Oh. I'm not going anywhere, yet. Just want to get out of my 3000 sq ft house. It's way too big. I want al super small house, solar pwr, etc. I need a new challenge – the challenge is simplify and live off the minimum AND invest all my money in gold & silver. The end of the world is just a year away – I'm going to survive that challenge too. Because The End doesn't necessarily mean The End.

    Like

Leave a comment