06: BPR United KingDom

BACK OF THE PACK RACING: United KingDom Chapter

img_2188Chapter Operating Instructions

Refer to the BPR GLOBAL OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS…. All Rules in the Global Operating Instructions will be followed by all dudes in the BPR UK Crew. No deviations, clarification, additions were provided to The Founding Fathers as of this update.

Intro to The Crew… Courtesy of The Philosofizer…

Taz aka Taz…

Taz is the leader of BPR United Kingdom, BPR UK. Taz has a unique gift – utilization of the ancient language commonly known as The English Language. . And Taz and his ‘gift’ not only rivals The Philofizers utilization of the American Language – Taz steps it up a notch or two or ten.

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Taz loves single speeds, Black Sheep Bikes, cross dressing and wrapping himself up in rubber tyre / tire based bikinis. (Maxxis Bikinis are his preference.). And ALL OF THAT is cool. I think.

I’m pretty sure that Taz wakes up in the AM and has no idea who he is, where he is, where he is going. AND that is why he is the perfect leader for Europe’s 1st Back of the Pack chapter. Yep, Taz has and will continue to set the standard for The Old World version of Ludacrazy that is firmly implanted in The Alternate Reality.

Taz occupies the newly formed BPR HQ position of Communications Officer. Taz proved his ability to bridge language barriers and eliminate socialgeographical stereotypes to create a cohesive brotherhood (sisters included) and reputation built on moral values. As BPR continues to grow, Taz is chartered with preventing any fallout from misperceptions caused by poor communication, overly medicated posts, and vague references. This starts by ensuring the public that no small animals or midgets are hurt in the execution of our mission, controlling sexual content within boundaries acceptable by Howard Stern / Catholic Priests / Bill Clinton, clarifying any confusion between canning jams and jamming cans, and comforting newly patched members

If any dudes or dudettes want to start a chapter in Europe: research Taz, contact Taz and be nice to Taz. Because the plan, the plan as defined by The Founding Fathers, is to ensure that Taz is empowered as THE LEADER of BPR Europe. It’s an important job and no one is more qualified than the bikini clad Taz.

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More Info… Courtesy of The Philosofizer…

Roy & Judy aka…

BeerBiker aka tHe ReAl BeErBiKeR and BeerBabe aka Queen of Rubber or something like that

Roy and Judy and the BPR UK / Honorary Crew. Honorary because they don’t roll with the patches. The Roy & Judy combo deserve patches and have earned pathes. But, you see, Roy likes the spandex stuff and Judy likes to dress like her macho husband. (Although most of their spandex is beer related.) And that’s all cool. And we (or should I say ‘I’) can change that lack-of-patches issue, because they are worthly. For sure. Oh yeah. Then there is that issue with ‘gears’. Roy & Judy dig the programmable mechanical advantage stuff… commonly called gears. And that’s cool. Because The Crew is know to stress the boundaries. Anyway, Roy and Judy have secured a special spot in the BPR Crew, with or without patches. And guarenteed, patches will be waiting for them if / when they return to The Great Southwest.

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Author & Responsible Hooligan: Taz. Leader of BPR UK

Well hello world and a tip top jolly how do you do from all, in the Genteel world of B.P.R UK

First of all, let me introduce you to the wondrous, surreal and downright eccentric people that have now coalesced into a traditional English garden party of oddities (complete with a pervy Vicar, buntings, lashings of ginger beer and a chance to put your hand in a barrel of sawdust to find a lucky dip)

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The Team:

TAZ (el presidente, the boss, the Guvnor)

Just stick my old profile in dear boy, (or add a new one) find some new sexy pics though!

Rides: Black sheep with Ti everything added

Singular Rooster in custom BPR colours

Jeff Jones Space frame

 

Take ya pick or choose somefink else, I’m easy !

Charlie the Bikemonger

(in)famous monger of all things fat, niche and singlespeedy. Rumour has it that he once had proper job, with responsibilities and a nice suit, before seeing the light and becoming the evangelical minister of mayhem that he is today.

Organises all sorts of splendidly silly events like the Dorset gravel 100, grass roots Klunker events and SSUk 2013

Can usually be found cheating like hell, cutting corners, having a picnic complete with a nice bottle of wine on the race course or staying up late and serenading the rest of an event campsite with Gaye bikers on Acid songs and wearing a Poncho.

Rides: a Lovely ti Vassago 29+

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Wayne  (Ed)

Small, Bald and beardy and looking like Gimli from Lord of the rings, comes from a funny area known as Yorkshire, where the folk are famously grumpy, have an addiction to cups of weak tea, poor beer and wear flat caps. All spoken sentences are precluded with “eh up” and finished “tha knows”

Despite these dire handicaps, Ed can actually handle a bike, loves riding rigid, with a stiff gear ratio as fast and hard as his stumpy little legs will spin and scares the hell out the baggy pyjama wearing enduro crowd, by beating most of them equipped with nowt but a big beard and a bloody minded attitude. He is also rather handy at supping ale as often as possible

Rides:  Travers Ti 29+

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Jim

Take a big fucking bear, you know a really angry pissed off one….charging downhill smashing trees out of the way, that best describes Jims riding style, no finesse, slightly out of control and yet fascinating to observe from a safe distance. He has also been known to just shove other riders into bushes and hop into puddles as hard as possible to make XC jeyboys get all dirty, just for the fun of it.

Has a massive masochistic streak, where he seems to have deliberately built the heaviest single speed fat bike in Christendom, made even worse by the fact that he had a shiny boone ti 16T cog so was going to use it even if it is a bloody ridiculous gear ratio.

Despite all this he is really a big soft bundle of love and if he has accidentally smashed you into a tree he will come and find you afterwards to give you a beer

Rides:  Singular Puffin Fatbike

Singular Swift 29er

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Riley (the Silver Fox)

Our very own Richard Gere Looky Likey that makes ladies of a certain age swoon and become awash in their lady garden, without even realising the effect he has.  Has a worrying tendency to slip into lycra and do the whole roadbike/cyclocross/time trial thing, but then redeems himself by drinking his own bodyweight in fireball whisky, racing Singlespeed until he pukes and fills up again before another lap.

Can often be heard chanting the mantra “ooo my little legs” whilst hooning uphill past people in an attempt to make them think he’s hurting.

Rides:    All sorts of sick and wrong things on the road including a slinky Ti Fixie

A lovely Ti on-one 29er with niner carbon forks and pimp bits

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Pop (The voice of Reason) 

Pop is the rider that actually, just now and then will bring a much needed dose of reality to the proceedings, unless he’s with Jim, in which case all bets are off. Has a horrific tendency to buy shiny things when he’s not riding enough. Can often found inventing swear words and calling Taz all the rude names he can think off, half way up a stupidly steep climb

He also makes a decent living as a weather forecaster as If there is even the slightest hint of rain somewhere over the horizon, he’s already siting at the nearest bar looking for beer.

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Rides: Ti Jones Diamond with truss (seriously pimp)

Panda (More smiles than Miles)

A new rider, went straight to singlespeed as gears “are just fucking stupid” Not the fastest, nor the most hardcore, but somehow manages to capture the sheer joy of pedalling a silly bike in the woods. Can usually be found either shrieking and whooping going downhill, or swearing in a manner that would make a coal miner sound like a rather fey poet, when grinding up. She is also the owner of the biggest dimples in the world*

Rides:  Surly Pugsley Necromancer with added purple and owls

*official Guinness book or world records

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Andy Stooge

Came to the attention of B.P.R UK by designing some awesome looking and lovely riding 29ers, by having a massive “fuck the hype, just ride bikes in the woods vibe” and by donating frames and goodies to grassroots events to spread the love and support for charities.  Has a strange obsession with bars, riser bars, jones bars, wide bars, gay bars and has even made some mentally huuge things with a backsweep for those with an ape index of king kong.

Rides: Stooge (one of a number in 650 B+, 29er, 29+ or fat format depending of what he’s working on at the time)

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Jerry 

Hails from the deepest darkest West country ( for our international readers, he basically sounds like Sam the hobbit from lord of the rings), drinks Cider and gives taz all sorts of grief for being a hamfisted chimpanzee every time he breaks another set of handlebars or tears a stem apart.

Can a pedal a singlespeed so fast as his chubby little legs make a whirring sound

Rides: A gorgeous 650 B+ ti Stooge with bi-plane forks

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Roy McNeil – The Darklord of Fatbiking

Roy uses gears, yes it’s shocking but he is a man approaching his senior years and if he needs the cycling equivalent of Viagra to enable him to be able to get his wild thing on, then that’s fine by me!

He looks like a wizard, a very drunk wizard, in a Kilt girly skirt, but he loves his fat bikes and hates E-bikes like a pig hates being bacon.

All in all a jolly good egg, with a fantastic taste in beer.

Rides: Big fat bikes with some dangly contraptions on

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Judy McNeil BeerBabe

Judy kicks ass, like a proper podium dancing, fatbike riding, prize collecting little old lady. She also makes money doing something with lots rubber items and needles. (she claims its making bike bags from recycled rubber, but that doesn’t explain Roy’s inner tube gimp suit!)

Looks like a deranged tutu wearing asylum escapee and is all the more wonderful for it.

Rides: Big fat bikes with some dangly contraptions on

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Race/Events/actually riding a bike a competitive manner!

Yes we do lots but we (well I) have been epically shit at recording what the fuck we have been doing. I have done penance for my lack of getting my ducks in a row, via the medium of having my body waxed and my bottom beaten by a host of saucy midgets and  morris dancers**

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Saucy Midget!

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** Morris dancers (apparently its and ancient English tradition to look like a geography teacher that’s a big of a sex offender)

Apart from giving me the strangest…… I have realised the error of my ways and I will now solemnly promise to be better organised !

Please feel free to send: Letters of intent, bribes, offers of exotic holidays, sponsorship details and general lunacy

God Save the Queen

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And Just to Summarize all Things… British

Taz- Megalomaniac in charge of this Shower of Fools in the UK and B.R.P Global communications chap, wot makes all the different words and that, sort of come together…ish