Back of the Pack Racing – Rhode Island Mission and guidelines
1. Mission Statement
- To inspire others to ride
- We are true north, be weird, be yourself, laugh, take nothing serious
- No stress, no turds
- When we ride, no drops. Keep it positive, push each other to go further, to go bigger
- Accept that we are here so probably not “all there”
- not to take yourselves too seriously,
- to do epic shit and inspire other people to do epic shit
- Remember; It’s the second mouse that gets the cheese!
**no grundle rockets
- Thou shalt ride rigid
- Exceptions if thou are at bike park. All other exceptions made by chapter president on an individual basis
- Thou shalt ride single
- Keep it simple. Gimmicky toys shall not be permitted.
- Keep it simple and ride your bike
- Questioning another rider on their bike’s weight or aerodynamic properties is tricky prohibit and will result in mandatory minimum shunning period to be set by chapter president
- NO STRAVA. Exceptions if rider is in latex or tight, awkward fitting swimwear.
- If not beer then quality coffee is required
- Canadian Tuxedo is the preferred attire (aka Formal Flannel)
- Patches are cool
- Magic Marker on Haynes Beefy t is also acceptable
- Must say “hi” to roadies
- Probationary period for newbies to be set by chapter president at his/her discretion
- Chapter Chairman is King
- Vice President – Ensures quality of proposed rides as well as maintains strict standards for beer and coffee. Handles questions and concerns of other committee members.
- Sgt At Arms – Maintains appropriate levels of Chill, Stoke and BAC at events
- Road Captain, Secretary and Treasurer to be added as club grows.
- Seniority is by tire size and blood alcohol level: highest to lowest
- Exceptions allowable by chapter chairman
- Chairman can delegate ride leads and responsibilities as needed
Pibb aka Pibb
It’s about doing what you want to do at the go cart track
It’s about loving everything
the cat food
the little bits of crayons
all the things you wish you had
to spread the stoke
to inspire others to go out and pay the stoke forward
while simply living simply
leading by example
Single Speed for Life
Pj aka The Beer aka Captain Tenille
There’s a few important things you should know about me
• There’s always beer.
◦ I intend to keep drinking it and bringing it
• I will bitch extensively about the music after my 6th beer. After my 9th I will attempt to commander the jukebox/sound system/instruments the band are playing.
◦ I have zero intention of changing that. Unless the music doesn’t suck
• I will mount a speaker to my bike during a race. I don’t do it for me; I do it for my fellow racers. Those serious guys that have 1 beer in “race” season. I can’t beat them but I can get within shouting distance which means they can hear my high volume John Phillip Souza marches from my bar mounted rock box.
◦ When they come up to me in the parking lot post-race to bitch that I am ruining the integrity of the sport and they’ve approached the race director about DQing me, I let them know they have DQ’d themselves from my beer cooler.
• I’ve mastered the dark art of Jock Itch treatment. It should be understood that I’m a crotch shaman.
• I once played in a band opening for Mandy Moore. I didn’t stay and watch her set; I got drunk in the hotel hot tub.
• I like to ride and I’ll ride anything. Dirt, ramps, sand, fat, skinny, snow, ice, grass, formica, 20”, 26”, BMX, road, tenpenny farthing – I do not care. Let’s get rad.
• While we’re talking about Rad, it should be mentioned that I own a very high quality DVD bootleg of this essential coming of age tale. It’s watched quarterly to maintain base stoke levels.
◦ Kevin Bacon’s quintessential performance as Jack Casey in Quicksilver can be used in dire times of Rad unavailability but this shouldn’t be done until all other options (Breaking Away, Quicksilver and BMX Bandits) are exhausted.
• Blue Oyster Cult are really underrated. If you tell somebody that and they say “No they’re not they’re fucking awesome” you can trust that guy to pick at least a few songs on one of those digital juke boxe
• If somebody asks how much my bike weighs I will reply “With or without beer?”. This is a koan designed to test the principles of reality this person operates on.
• Speaking of Japanese literary practice I have written a Haiku that sums it all up:
Reeling in the beers
I pack heavy and ride light
My wheels spin onward
• I’ve been in my own alternate reality for years. As a child I was positive the toilet played a cover version of the theme song from PM Magazine every time it flushed.
• I woke up from a colonoscopy and said “Am I as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside?”. I was (they showed me pictures)
• There’s no “riding season” just like there’s no “grilling season”. They are both lifestyles.
◦ I smoke meats. Take that however.
I make my living being behind the bars, I also enjoy being behind the bars in my free time. Some of my favorite things include 4130 chromoly steel, fat tires, coffee stout, home brewed espresso and wool hats. All essential gear for life at the back of the pack.
I wear a uniform when I’m not undercover in my full on crunchy gear, flannels, bike t’s, 5-tens and baggies. I like to ride and hang with artsy creative characters, so much so I married one.
A acceptable ride is anytime I can move the pedals on my bike, a good ride is when I’m doing it with friends. To make it a great ride add beer, good coffee and some chow!
My frequent hash tags
# get outside
That’s me, love me or hate me, don’t care.
Ohh, and chamois butter, that’s key
Dear founding fathers,
Its about the GO.
Go. Everyone goes, but it’s all about how you go.
Go at your own pace, enjoy the scenery.
Go when you want, where you want.
Go inspire others to the way of the cog.
Go with simplicity. Gears are overrated.
Go. Get off your couch ride yer bike, drink a beer.
Single Speed for Life
Bob aka Angry Beaver, The Lord of the Fries, Chef Tessteroid,…
Keeping it weird since 1980.
Aka “The Angry Trail Beaver”.. my body hair is a naturally wicking performance gear and there is plenty of it.
Aka cheftess- I make delicious snacks for a living.
French Canadian. Plaid and flannel are formal attire suitable for all occasions.
(Other outfits may include the banana suit I wore to a Lovecraft scavenger hunt. On a single speed.)
New Englandah born and raised, I’ve ben living in Rhode Freakin Island having a Whicked good time, chuggin’ bears and getting fat on the beaches kehd.
I lift heavy things for fun: If it’s in the way I will move it. Or at least break it trying.
If it can be ridden I will ride it
If it can be broken I will break it
If it can be crashed I will crash into it.
I’ve been a runner, a Triathlete, powerlifter, crossfitter, and biker of several types.
If you haven’t seen the movie RAD i question your morals… if you haven’t seen gleaming the cube- are we even friends?
LIFE IS BETTER ON TWO WHEELS.
I’ve been coming in at the back of the pack for years, and having the most fun doing it.
List of uncompromising demands:
Eat great food
Drink great coffee
tunes, only the strangest mix of Yacht rock, Hair Metal and Classic country will do!
I am officially tired of people who are not capable of chilling the F out and having fun! I’m all about the pre and post race beers.
Get fucked, try my buttered beets, ride on, and have a nice day.