Back of the Pack Racing has entered the big time, team uniforms. It took some time (and some cash) but the team can now roll with the best. Wait a second, why team uniforms? Man, I don’t know – just because. Anyway, the team always has room for new ‘teammates’ but not just anyone can wear these colors, these patches. Below is a sample of the criteria that must be met by each Back of the Pack racer.
1) Must know what the definition of ‘is’ is
2) Must know the 3 speeds of a single speed
3) Must know the 3 reasons why one rides a single speed
4) Must believe that ‘The Truth is Out There’
5) Must understand that ‘I Want To Believe’
6) Must understand that Elvis is alive
7) Must support the lycra & spandex ban (We don’t need to see the ‘front butt’)
8) Must support the international movement of eliminating all words that contain more than 2 syllables (How many syllables does ‘syllables’ have?)
9) Must be willing to debate the strategies of catching mice with glue traps
10) Must be able to go ‘off roading’ at a restaurant, jump out of the bushes, and say without missing a beat “Honey, can I ask you a secret” (This is tricky, explanation required, but explanation withheld)
Team Jerseys are KILLER! Do they make one look skinny? Well, it ain’t lycra dude.
Team hats decorate the melon. What does ‘27‘ represent? Figure it out.
Team socks are… well I have 60 pairs so I’ll be wearing them to work, to bed, to the shower, to the beach, to the ski slops, to the moon (hopefully), to Mars (not likely), to a UFO (next abduction, for sure) and to my funeral – in 60+ years. Want a pair? Well, there is at least 10 criteria listed above that must be met before these slang laced cotton bad boys are handed over. Then again, if you offer Tedd or Tim a beer, I bet they will trade off some inventory for a few cold suds.
Ok, I can’t say it on this G-Rated blog, listen to the song / watch the video and pick out the line that best fits my beauty pageant picture below.
And if you can’t figure it out – keep your eyes open (and arms outstretched) for team water bottles in 2010! The 2nd team motto will proudly be displayed up front and central. Minimum order is 300, so I’ll be attempting to trade water bottles for food.