SSWC14: Putting The SIN back in SINgle Speed

Putting the SIN back in SINgle Speed. That was the promise… and ‘THAT’ was delivered… in style.

Here are the directions, courtesy of our great friend Dave… the drummer and lead signer of the Black Owls.

So…. we knew exactly how this was going down….

But I’ll just sum up SSWC14 with a small set of run-on sentences:

On Sunday morning I rolled up to the start in Kincaid Park with hundreds of my friends, after 17 hours of bar hop’n, after 2 hours of unconsciousness, and all I thought, as I was drinking a 9am beer, handed out by The Drunk Cyclists, as an Anchorage Police Officer rode around the crowd talking and laughing, was that ‘this is what SSWC is all about, I’m glad all these hooligans are my friends, I’m psyched to be in beautiful Alaska riding this wicked BLACK SHEEP SS machine.‘ Then DeJay separated us into 3 groups and explained how the 3 groups would tackle the 3 loops, the Blue Loop, the Pink Loop, the Orange Loop… (F*^k’n cool Idea! By the way.) Then we started a verbal wave, thanks to Cheerleader Dirty of DrunkCyclists, of Blue / Pink / Orange, as cans of OSKAR Blues beer were thrown around… specifically at DeJay, cuz he looked thirsty. And, again, I said… ‘this is what SSWC is all about. This is why I ride a SS, this is why I hang with these SS freaks. I’m gonna ride my a$$ off, I’m having and will have a blast… after I puke up my avocado omelet’.

AND all these euphoric feelings (and feelings of puke-age) are the same that I had at SSWC09 and SSWC10… just say’n. dude

A Pic: The PreRace Refreshments. 
Gnarly is hiding his beer, either because he was scared of the cop… 
or still thinking of The World Championship.

Yep. The BPR Crew was there. The BPR Crew was prepared. And The BPR Crew was not disappointed, not that us dudes & dudettes even understand how one can be disappointed when roll’n a SINgle Speed with a Freakish SINgle Speed Crowd in an awesome location like Alaska.

So… think what you want… but it’s all history now. Some of us, most of us I bet, are smiling about the crazy memories of SSWC14 and we are dreaming of The Big Reunion at SSWC15. Yep, that’s how we roll. Because we’re on a Mission from Gawd. Or God. Or something.

the f*^k’n views… unreal


The Course is Out There. Dude. Dudette

Now The Dumb S*^T. Cruise to the Pictures… if you Don’t LIKE Dumb S*^T:

The SHORT Conversation of the Trip:
Local Scary Dude Bellied up to the Bar: “You guys are sure dressed differently.” 
Tourist Scary Dude, aka, The Morale Chairman: “We’re bringing back gangsta”

Biggest Disappointment of the Trip:

The dump called The Long House Hotel, Anchorage. I paid almost $200 / night to stay in a crack house. Hell, I wouldn’t mind if I paid $50 / night to stay in a crack house. But $200 / night. What a JOKE that place is. I hope one of those crack heads burns down the f’n dump.

2nd Biggest Disappointment of the Trip:

Learning that I’m a SS freak that requires plush accommodations. Hell, I was in Alaska & love’n life. But my mojo was cracked, routinely, by that DUMP that CRACK house that I was pay’n $200 / night for. Yep. I ain’t the tough SS freak that I though I was. I’m a SS pansy that needs a pillowtop bed, some nice 500 thread count sheets, an in-room STOCKED bar, a wicked large flat screen TV, maybe a jet tub and of course a mint on my pillow… at night. Sorry, that’s just how I roll.

F’n Coolest Rant of The Rants:

  • All I got was a BPR hat. All I wanted was a t-shirt. 
    • Yep, I didn’t read all the s*^t out there in the Ether, or Luminiferious Aether.. but The BPR Crew found this rant from Dan America. Awesome. We all cracked up… cuz laugh’n and have’n fun is what we are all about. 
    • We’re gonna send some gear to Dan America… cuz I’m bet’n that freak rolls at the back of the pack.

The Dumbest Thing(s) that I Saw at SSWC:

  • I was standing out in the rain, on Saturday night, cooling off, and a dude HAD to un-pile the bike pile around midnight, because his bike was near the bottom, because he had to go home… or to the local crack house or to his midnight job at 7/11. Or something like that. Damn dude. If you can’t stay at the party… keep your f*^k’n bike out of the bike pile. It’s kinda simple. But hey, I had fun watching you do The Stoopid.
  • The Alien Creature that couldn’t find a tube sock for his personal mini me. He tried, and he tried, but it just wasn’t working. So shows the video. I wasn’t there but Gnarly has The Video! AND I ain’t willing to post this video. It’s scary. SHIT! A Mini Me, so MINI that a tube sock won’t hold… f’n scary. 
    • And people start World Wars on IDEAS like Evolution.
    • Oh wait, I mean Testosterone things like BIG and NOT MINI… MEs.
  • And then there is Gnarly’s seat… the seat that The Alien Creature contaminated… as Gnarly ‘donated’ his bike to the Blind Bike Obstacle Course. Yep, Gnarly was forced to leave that seat in Alaska due to limits on foreign / alien bacteria cultures that are banned in the lower 48. No joke, jokester.
AND if you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out Dan America’s link:

  • Full Disclosure # 1: MOTHER! MOTHER! That’s you Madre. DON’T click on this link. Just say’n. Just because.
  • Full Disclosure #2: This ain’t Gnarly’s video… The Video. You can thank me by buying me a beer.

Just Because:


Zed’s not Dead Baby, Zed’s Not Dead:
The drunk local, now be referred to as Zed, scared the hell out of us. He bought us drinks. Then we bolted… got Zed induced stress. Then we were flagged down by a photographer for the Anchorage paper. He took many pics. We gave him a shirt. We’re now friends. Then we rode right next to Buckaroo Club, didn’t know it at the time, but got all stressed and disoriented because Zed was waiting there for us. (Think he had a ball gag with TeddNeck’s name on it?) So… we bolted to Don Jose’s for… some SAFE BEER. Keep your eyes open. Be alert. Zed is out there. Zed Ain’t Dead!

The Ludacracy… in Picture Format:

Can you imagine pick’n up these Drunk Cyclist birth control devices… while on a trip with your ‘bros’ or ‘bro-ettes’ and then return home and your Significant Other finds them in your gear. Yep, SSWC could lead to some very uncomfortable situations, even after you leave the chaos.

No S*^T. That Clears up a lot for us Dudes bellied up to The Bar
And I wonder… 
how the hell did I end up at home with a stuffed moose and a hacky sack

What puts the F*^k’d in F*^k’d Up:

  • Drop’n $210 for Check’d Baggage.
    • The F’d Up Story: The Morale Chairman didn’t have a bike bag. And he didn’t have a frame that disassembled in pieces. So… I gave That Dude my bike bag, thinking he’d pay the outrageous bike baggage fees. (I paid these fees, twice, for 2 trips to New Zealand.) I disassembled my black sheep frame. I roll’d into the airport with 3 ‘packages’, all ‘packages > 25lbs. The Morale Chairman roll’d to the airport with ONE MASSIVE duffel bag tip’n the scales at 50 lbs. ONE MASSIVE big bag tip’n the scales at 49.8 lbs. THAT DAMN Morale Chairman paid $60 in baggage fees. This sweet little Juddie paid $210 in baggage fees. NOW that puts the F*^k’d in F*^k’d Up.
By The Way, If I was Dictator:

  • Carry-Ons gotta be carried. Roll-Ons piss me off and Roll-Ons are not Carry-Ons. So, if you are a lazy a$$ check your damn Roller Bag. Because Carry-Ons must be Carried On. Get it!
    • Yeah. just my random rant, dude. Can you tell I hate airports and flying. And I F*^K’n earned my right to document one random rant.

The Summary:

  • The Brothers from Another Mother: All us Freaks are BROTHERS from Another Mother:
    • It doesn’t matter where you live, what you do for ca$h, how fast you ride, what clothes you wear, how many wives you have (that’s for you Utah Brothers), if you roll titanium, if you puss out for suspension, if you’re skinny, if you’re phat (like me), if you sleep 12 hours a night (like me) or if you drink 12 beers for lunch (like me). We’re all buddies. We’re all brothers from Another Mother. And if you don’t believe me, take up another sport and try to find the “love” the “friendship” the “f*^k’n Ludacracy” that you find in the SS World. 
      • Full Disclosure: I use “love” like ‘I Love you Man‘. Just Say’n.
    • DeJay, Dave, Chewy, Todd, Jake, Kramer, Numb Taint, Mysterious dude we’ll call Dude with the Tight Shirt’n Tan… all the dudes that worked hard on the race. Thanks Brothers! We go years without hang’n and it always seems like days. (The Tan Dude, I know his name, but he needs a pseudo identity like Numb Taint. So I’m trying to start it.)
    • Old Friends… The BPR AZ Crew. BPR New Zealand. BPR Australia. ALL OUR Friends throughout THE EARTH, Roy and Judy, Shanna & Endless Bikes. All brothers from Another Mother
    • The new friends… BPR United Kingdom (BPR UK… that’s you TAZ), Slovenia SS Freaks, Rez Dogs of Tuba City. We’re all SS brothers. F*^k’n A! I didn’t really know your mother, maybe I should… yeah, we’re all brothers.
    • All our friends we don’t recognize, like Jamon from Utah. Just The Freak Brother from The Freak Mother.
    • All our new friends…. like Dan America. Chris from Carousel Lounge. The Ellison Dude from Ellison Air. And all the other freaks who we talked to, can’t remember names, only your f’d up costumes. As far as I can tell, we’re all brothers from another mother.
    • And that’s what I’m talking about. That’s the way it is… IN THE ALTERNATE REALITY
  • The Suits: Pretty Cool, BUT Hotter than Hell. If that makes sense. But there really isn’t any alternative. We’ll have improvements for 2015.
  • The not so Long Nights: The Morale Chairman and The Judd hit it hard early and put it away early. Cuz early to bed early to rise makes a man… f’n trashed by 6pm. Guess I’m get’n old or starting to realize that my internal organs have limited miles on them. I can’t say we’ll regain our late night stamina for Japan. That s*^t may not exist anymore. But we’ll be at the bar as soon as the doors open. Just because.
  • Chilkoot Charlie’s: Don’t go there, unless you are pack’n heat or have a critical mass of hooligans. You might just get roll’d. The Morale Chairman and I almost did Thursday PM… cuz we were ‘different’. F*^k’n Coors Light drinkers that don’t like tourists play’n dress up. Dicks. Come to New Mexico and we can throw down in My Neighborhood.

And then there is SSWC15:

  • Japan… rumor has it that the ‘race’ will be up near Nagano. Yep, I’ll be there. And hopefully we’ll be get’n THE BAND back together…
    • That’s THE BAND
    • Like BPR USA, BPR New Zealand, BPR Australia. How about BPR UK… yeah.
  • Ideas for SSWC16: Australia, England, Peru, Chili, Spain, Cuba, Norway, Greenland, Iceland, Nova Scotia. 
AND, of course, BPR is hired as Body Guards for Ninjas.
Just Say’n. Just the Facts
And a final word of EXPECTATIONS:
  • Expectations of Some: It’s all on the internet, in 1s and 0s. No need to repeat to here. (The Link) Just dudes and dudettes exercising their right to free speech on all sides of the discussion… all sides of the debate… that’s cool. But don’t forget to be cool when your exercising your right to free speech. Yep, everybody be cool, you be cool. And if you decide against my simple advice. You’re just gonna look like an idiot. And you know I’m right. 
  • BPR’s Expectations: Go back to the top, start reading The History… from The Hustorian … again.
And if you want a reminder on expectations, before you head to the top.


So now you are bored. Wondering where Judd Humor is… Sorry. I tried. Buy my inflamed Liver won’t let me get The Humor out… if you know what I mean. But check out a few pics. And cruise to the bottom for a ‘swimming big a$$ bear’.

The Big Picture… Just Because:


Pictorial Essay, or Something Like That:

we got Our Groove on, early on
we brought some gear
we brought some titanium… to go with our gear


we hung out at some bars
we drank beer in those bars
 we got a few tours from foxy mamas
we showed up ready to ‘race’
we drank some more beer… while waiting for The Main Event
we disobeyed all ‘rules’
we meditated over some more beer
we ate some crazy s*^t and drank some more beer
we showed up at the race and had a liquid breakfast
we checked out the beautiful Alaskan landscape… while at the race
 and we rode the SS machines on some awesome trails
and we even roll’d out with some killer stuff
and now we need to return… to get our free beer at Carousel Lounge

Island Trader Video of Swimming Bear… 10 miles out from Land: 
We were hang’n with a local at Gwennies on Thursday AM. This dude worked on a variety of fishing boats / tugboats before & after his 20 years in the Navy. He was telling us about this big a$$ bear that tried to jump on his brother’s boat 10 miles from land. CRAZY S*^T!


I’ve got nothing more to say… Believe it or NOT


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