boundaries should be tested… rules should be broken… maybe

Applications are coming in. Dudes and Dudettes from all over The World are showing interest in Back of the Pack Racing. Below is one of the latest ‘pieces of work’. The message is clear, the motivation is suspect. But, The Decision makers at Back of the Pack Racing HAVE… decisions to make. Will we open up The Crew to HARDCORE mutha f*^k’rs, mutha f*^k’rs that tell it the way it is?  Maybe. 

I wonder who this S. Baio guy is anyway? 

—————

Name… N/A

Nick name…. Taco
Age…. N/A
Gender…. N/A
Bike….. Many
Occupation…. I wear a helmet to work
Criminal History…… Pending trial outcome
 
I _____X____  pledge follow all of the guidelines set forth in the BPR operating instruction manual.
 
With the exception of the following…
  1.  will not always ride 29 rigid or single. I often like to bunny hop bum’s that live in underpass tunnels, i found this done best with full suspension and gears.
  2. I will not wear a uniform. I wear one at work, i refuse to do it during my free time.
  3. I will not drink beer. Something i don’t do
  4. I will not Blog. Id rather ride, sleep, play guitar, or beat my head against a spanish tile roof than tell strangers how awesome my life is.
  5. I will attend few if any events. I refuse to pay someone money so i can ride my bike with a bunch of strangers.
  6. I will not recognize your system of order. Just cause i am a dick and dislike structure.
  7. I will, from time to time wear tight shorts while riding my bike. Cause i don’t care what you think of my tight shorts while i am having fun.
  8. I will not use a smart phone. Life was better without them. I don’t care about anybody’s ride stats or strava place. The only real question is did you have fun? But then i don’t care about that either.
  9. I will not do a probation period. I did it once, not gonna do it again.
  10. I will not “race”. Race is a bad word, whats the point? I will refer to “races” as “event” or “ride”. My goal is simple, to always have the most fun possible. 
What BPR can expect from me
  1. I will host weekly rides and invite nobody. 
  2. I will break as many rules as i can with out causing serious harm to anything living.
  3. I will build trails.
  4. I will ride funny bikes.
  5. I will chase down road bikers in order to sarcastically make fun of them.
  6. I will ignore any phone or text messages or E-mails  until i see fit to respond.
  7. I will Always have a smile 
  8. I will bring dry sarcastic humor to all “events” or “rides”
  9. I will be un-reliable for multi day bike backing trips.
  10. I will always run over a pile of rocks if given a chance.
  11. I will camp with you at the 24 Hours of old pueblo.
  12. I will always say” whazzzup” if i pass you and you are fixing a flat tire.
  13. I will tell know body what goes on here.
  14. I will always bring a guitar and sing campfire songs
  15. I will ask questions that nobody knows the answer to.
  16. I will give free medical advice.
  17. I will not push you into becoming vegan. Although you should try it.
  18. I will not laugh at your jokes if they are not funny.
  19. I will tell you about that mustard on your face.
  20. I will tell you truthfully that you do look fat in that dress.
  21. If you fall i will laugh before asking if you are O.K.
 
Please accept my application for membership to BPR.
 
Thanks-S. Baio

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