Ok. This past holiday weekend I was just traveling back through history, a tour through history, a history lesson.. back of the pack style. Whatever. I’m The Hustorian, so I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Just because.

San Juan Stage Race… that’s what I called it. But actually the race was just a tour. Not a race, as racers who race define racing. Just touring, as us racers at the Back of the Pack Racing define racing. Make sense? Probably not. I’m talking Gibberish. As usual.

Anyway. I grew up in the great San Juan Mountains. And every time I get back to Colorado I dream of new adventures, adventures in these mountains, adventures with my bike(s). Sometimes I enter Colorado with a Plan, like The BPR San Juan Stage Race. And most of the time I change the plan on the fly, because I get pulled back into the history, as I want to live the history. Sort of like a Dr Who thing… in my own reality.

And just so you understand the connection. Read the following clip from WikiPedia, as WikiPedia IS the world’s source of all information NOT contained in Urban Dictionary:

Doctor Who is a British science-fiction television programme produced by the BBC between 1963 and the present day. The programme depicts the adventures of the Doctor, a Time Lord—a time-travelling humanoid alien. He explores the universe in his TARDIS, a sentient time-travelling space ship. Its exterior appears as a blue British police box, which was a common sight in Britain in 1963 when the series first aired. Along with a succession of companions, the Doctor faces a variety of foes while working to save civilisations, help ordinary people, and right wrongs.

Yeah. My Alternate Reality. a Time Lord—a time-travelling humanoid alien. Dr Who style. Makes sense to me.

Ok. You’re bored. You’re confused. So let’s get This Show on The Road.

A few comments about… Phat-Ness:

Phat really means fat. It’s time I own my reality. 

And being phat while grinding up a highway is bad. Cuz it’s NOT OK to walk on asphalt when tired. Walking, hike-a-bike, is actually acceptable in the wilderness, when no one is watching. But pushing a SS machine is totally unacceptable on a hwy. Why? Because foxy mamas, in Subarus, will whistle at you. And it ain’t a ‘damn that’s a hot dude pushing a wicked SS machine‘ whistle. It’s a ‘seriously, that loser is pushing a bike up this highway‘ whistle. Yep, just being honest with myself. Owning my reality.

25T:  S*^T. 25T 23T 20T 18T… doesn’t matter, I still push my sheep up the steep hills. Cuz that’s how I roll. Roll like a jelly donut. 

Public Service Announcement:

As you may know. Colorado LEGALIZED the distribution and consumption of Mary Jane. That would be Wacky Tobacky for all you old hippies. Anyway. I just wanted to point out what happens when a State Goes Up In Smoke…

… it is no longer OK to camp, overnight, in The Campground. But you can Toke Up in the campground, during the day, and then camp somewhere other than The Campground. Ok. It’s all Cool. Dude. Surfs Up!

Some Random Observations and Back of the Pack Opinions:

If your from Texas and are roll’n out on jeep roads in a Toyota Matrix. Your gonna rip your muffler off. If you’re a hardcore Colorado mtn chick… just drive your damn Subaru up the jeep roads, you’ll be ok.

Back in the day, The Rohwers traveled jeep roads in a wicked tank like Jeep Wagoner. Now Phat Judd rolls a skinny sheep. But all the ‘outdoor enthusiasts’ today, roll out in RZRs, or 4 wheelers. Probably a Scaredy Kat thing.  You know. 8′ road and a 2000 ft cliff ain’t that bad if your Polaris RzR is 4′ door to door. Yep. The 70s and 80s. When men where men and 7ft 6in jeep wagoner (beam width) fit just fine on a 8ft trail dug into a 2000 ft cliff.  By the way. I s*^t my pants every time The Padre took that wagoner on these wicked jeep roads. The memories still give me the cold sweats. Thank god my dad was the man of the house in the 70s/ 80s. Cuz I couldn’t hang, as if I had a choice.

And if you think your a bad a$$ on that 4 wheeler… try ditching 2 of those wheels. I’m not say’n go for a stretch goal of roll’n up these mtns on a SS machine, cuz that’s kinda dumb, in my opinion. But go for the dirt bike, build some skills, show your mojo. Oh yeah, you’re right, a phat dude can fit more beer on a 4 wheeler. Whoops. Sorry dude. I like your 4 wheeler… as long as you’re carrying my Modus Hoperandi.

Some Tunes before The Pics. Hit Play. Proceed to Pics: