SingleSpeed World Championships 2015: Hakuba Japan… back of the pack style

If you’re busy. If you lack motivation to learn about SSWC15 History… back of the pack style. If you are just an internet troll. Don’t worry. We still love you and there is only one thing you need to remember. SSWC16 in way down south. SSWC16 will be hosted on that big a$$ island called Australia. So… see you there. Dude. Dudette.

Ok. If you are still with me you may be wondering ‘why has it taken so damn long for BPR’s Philosofizer, aka, The Philosofizer, to write The History. Well dude, dudette. I’ve been a) training my a$$ off b) struggling to survive at The Local Prison Camp. Yeah. That’s about it. There is no humor in my life right now. No humor = no blog postings. Actually when I think about that last few months – like the last 20 months – I realize that I’ve failed in my commitment to The BPR Lifestyle. Yeah. Life created a situation of NO Humor, NO Hookers, NO Blow. JUST JOKING MADRE! JUST JOKING United States Law Enforcement Agencies!

Damn dude. I gotta learn a thing or two about Commitment. Commitment to The Lifestyle. Well, actually. That will never happen. All the Foxy Mamas in my life claim that I never understood ‘commitment’, still don’t understand ‘commitment’ and will never ‘COMMIT‘… to anything.  So maybe I just need to dig deep and get back in the groove. I gotta quit living in a world of excuses and make it happen. Ok. That’s a plan.

So here it goes. And go easy on me. I gotta work my way back into The World of Ludacracy.

Japan SSWC15

When in Japan… and roll’n with the ID of Cjell Mone

pull off a wheelie, back of the pack style, in Shabuya Intersection. Just because you can.


Yeah. Another look. But no Mone this time.


When in Japan… chill Japanese Style

When in Japan… get on the Bullet Train

When in Japan… don’t forget about HOOTERS

When in Japan….  drink with the Japanese

Ok. If you are still cruising the posting you probably wanna know a bit about the race. Let’s just say: It was killer. Japan is awesome. Hakuba Japan is insanely awesome. You should pick up and go there. Or don’t. Maybe I’ll just leave it at that. And if you you wanna stay at a wicked cool place check out

The Race…. A Few Thoughts… The Track:

The race was a race for racers. And I ain’t a racer. The Morale Chairman ain’t a racer. But Cjell Mone (BPR Colorado) and The Crew Chief (BPR New Zealand) are hardcore racers. And those freaks rage’d at The Front of the Back of the Pack. Just check the results.

Oh wait. There are no results. This is SSWC. And if you a) wanna see the results, b) think you found the results… just remember. There is one Dude Winner and one Dudette Winner. The results are as simple as that. I personally don’t know which dude & dudette won the race. But I saw the winners – in the winner circle, aka the tattoo tent. Yeah. Just look for the SSWC15 tattoo. Those are the winners. Enough Said. I think.

Below is a pic of the race track. And Hakuba. And Some Mountains. And the ocean west of Japan. Interesting. Or not really. Let’s move on.

SSWC15 Track

The Japanese Learning Experience… lessons you can only learn at the back of the pack:

  • if you don’t have ca$h in Tokyo… no problem. Just leave your name and phone number and pay later. No joke. Jokester
  • if you can’t figure out how to escape the restaurant that you can’t pay your bill cuz you have no cash… simple press the red button on the glass.
  • if you’re locked out of the hotel, at like 2AM, in Tokyo, and can’t find the secret door. Ask the nearest construction worker. Not the local cops.n Seriously
  • no trash cans anywhere AND no trash anywhere. Doesn’t make sense. Right?
  • the Tokyo Slide at the Shibuya / Ginza Line platform.
  • law and order. It’s Japan. It’ ain’t New York City. Yeah. In Tokyo the armor’d cars aren’t armored. And CA$H couriers only carrier CA$H. They don’t carry The Heat. Interesting.
  • no iPhone 6+ in all of tokyo. or so it seems. must be something with the average… size of a human hand – in Japan.
  • a prime example of cultural differences. K-Books and Maid Cafe
  • send your bags ahead. DON OT take your travel bags on the trains / buses. DON’T BE THAT AMERICAN.
  • extremely quiet. one f’n car honk in 3 days in a city of 12 million.
  • if you think you can take the Marunouchi Line or the Yurakuch Line…. just take the Chiyoda Line. It’s the correct line and some complete stranger told you so. Out of the Blue.
  • if you wanna eat sushi with a bit of grace… do a few days of surveillance. No American can gracefully eat sushi or sushi type things, with grace.
  • bike lock in Hakuba? Yeah right. No need dude.
  • Two Words: Strawberry Jam.

irrational comments… irrational because you weren’t there:

  • The Morale Chairman: “Philosofizer. Ready for another beer” The Philosofizer: “No. I’m here for a bike race”
  • The Crew Chief:  “this is a fact finding mission”
  • The Philosofizer. “This is unbelievable. I bought the tickets yet I have to sit bitch. The Crew Chief: “You are the bitch”
  • The SSS-AUS-Dude-That-Lives-In-Japan: “We’re all professionals. We all turn up in the morning.”
  • An example of International travel… Quote person C: “So you’re not drinking (points to person A) You’re not s*^t’n (points to person B). I’m not sleeping. This is a disaster.”
  • The Crew Chief: “I’m contemplating the tag team call to Jasper. It’s almost a mercy situation.”
  • The Crew Chief: “It took me two 2 Sausage McMuffins with Egg to realize I’m still drunk”
  • The Crew Chief: “Oh she worries so much when I go on tour”
  • The Philosofizer. “If we took all the coolest laws from all the coolest countries… we could make a pretty cool country.”  The Crew Chief:  “we already have that. It’s called New Zealand”
  • The SSS-AUS-Dude-That-Lives-In-Japan:  I got a bit too drunk. Went to the ‘wrong’ home – probably thinking I’d get a root”
  • The SSS-AUS-Dude-That-Lives-In-Japan:”never had a hangover. But I wake up drunk regularly.”
  • The Crew Chief: “Well, you don’t need to do it. It’s your choice. But you’re gonna do it. And you’ll be happy when you do do it.”
  • Cjell Mone: In reference to Belgium LOSING SSWC16 hosting rights in a game of Bike Soccer.. “I thought you were European. What the fuck!”
  • Cjell Mone: “You have 2 days to get to Zuni. Make a positive life choice”
  • Lazy Pete. “Best eggs & hash browns I ever had… Sturgis county jail” and “It was the most expensive breakfast ever. “
  • Lucky Pete. “Never call a cowboy a ….insert word of choice here…  no matter how pink his shirt is”
  • “You live that lifestyle. There are only so many coupons you can catch. Yeah. Lucky Pete”


Lessons at the Back of the Pack:

  • The Crew Chief: The required training regimen -> consumption of performance based liquids. as designed and executed in New Zealand
  • A request from The Crew Chief:  An official Memo /Re-Training Manual for Expected Back of he Pack behavior / behaviour. Because a dude in The Crew can’t remember all things all the time.
  • The Crew Chief:  complete annual medical exam before NOT after an SSWC experience
  • The Crew Chief:  The BPR Crew must be ready for enevitable erosion of personal standards. Be prepared.

The Lagrangian Point

When you roll in The Alternate Reality by definition you have a unique frame of reference.

Background Material:

So. Think about this. Think about The Lagrangian Point:

  • You are camped out at The Lagrangian Point
  • You are monitoring The Plane flying from Denver to Tokyo. East to West
  • The Plane crosses 15 time zones. East to West
  • The Plane travels the distance in 12 hours.
  • The Earth rotates 1/2 a revolution in 12 hours.

So, if you are camped out at the Lagrangian point The Plane would effectively look as if it took off, was nearly stationary in the atmosphere, and the Earth rotated under The Plane. Cool huh. Are you confused? Probably. That’s because you are stuck in your standard reality. Yeah. Jump time to escape into The Alternate Reality.


More links:

The welts: The HIV? Chippers. Bed Bugs. Japanese river flu?

You know you’re in trouble when a) you start itching on the plan back to the USA. You know you are in trouble when big a$$ welts form all over your skin – including your beautiful mug. You know you are in trouble when you go to work and EVERYONE is a) starting at you b) avoid you. Is it Chiggers – Japanese Style? Is it bed bugs? Is it something gross that crawled off the old dude wearing the wool jacket in the 787? Is is the Japanese River Fever? Oh Hell. It doesn’t matter. I survived. Just a few scars… all over my arms and legs. No joke. Jokester.

It’s all about Honor (Honour)
Cjell Mone made a commitment… a commitment to add to his global canvas work. And this commitment was at 8AM on RACE  DAY. Cjell Mone was out late with the DC crew, rolled into The Allure late, set his alarm early. And then said “Dude I’m in Japan, I gotta show up for the tattoo. Yeah, Japan. It’s all about honor”. And the rest is history.

The BBBCC Crew:

And as always, The BPR Crew can’t travel the world without meeting super freaks and and redefining the term Chill’n:

So a huge Thank You to CHOP and The SSS-AUS-Dude-That-Lives-In-Japan. They roll under the charter of BBBCC. Awesome dudes in an awesome country.

Final Thoughts:

Whatever money (Mone) you don’t have; it was worth spending it on ten days in Japan… Back of the Pack style. What a trip! And if you have nothing else to do. Check out all the pics below. Or don’t

The Outfits

The Race

The Tokyo Experience

The Hakuba Experience

One thought on “SingleSpeed World Championships 2015: Hakuba Japan… back of the pack style

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