SSWC18. Throw’n Down The Power

 

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CAUTION. CAUTION. Before you sensitive Mutha F*^kr’s read the SSWC18 race report… at the back of the pack, realize that the Alternate Reality DOES NOT contain, support, produce, amplify negativity, hatred, asshole-ness, or anything. So, stay calm, this is all fun, this all about pursuing and securing Fame and Fortune and Foxy Mamas. So just relax and smile and stay calm. Or don’t.

Ok. So. Let’s Meditate MoFo.

Close your eyes. Take a deep deep breath. Hold it for 4 seconds. Exhale slowly. Repeat 4 times.

Free your mind…..

Now put your mind in a single speed state. Yes. The Single Speed State.

Oh wait. Nothing crazy up front. Just chill for the basic BPR race report. If you wanna read about the laughable & insane rookie / poser comments, comments about big dudes hammer’n it home, fat and rigid… go to the end. Well, it’s really not that funny or important. So, just forget about it. I already did.

But hey. Summary before the Story. Like an Executive Summary. Dude

SSWC18 was nuts. Full on NUTS. Good Nuts. Bad Nuts. All Nuts. Just crazy. Ludacracy in the flesh. SSWC18 was definitely a trip to… forget.

And if you don’t believe me… The Morale Chairman snapped this pic off the inter web of social media. Crazy A$$ Times.

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Ok. Enough of this Sociological Psychobabble. The Details as reported from The Back of the Pack

It’s a Family Thing…. Brothers and Sisters…. roll’n at the back of the pack

 

 

 

BPR NM. The Philosofizer, The Morale Chairman, The C.O.O., Horseshoe

BPR AZ. Jolly, Candy, Karl and The Butcher

BPR ND. Da Beard

BPR CO. Stout aka Mr Always Right

BPR Navajo Nation. Jon

BPR Custom Bike Builders Roaming Across Planet Earth. Cjell & Corbin

BPR OR. Spreader of Stoke

BPR CA. MoonMen1 aka Death by Single Speed

BPR ID. Fatty and Gnarly

BPR TX. Cold Hands

BPR UT. Grand Master Braap

BPR Long Lost. Mr Long Lost

BPR VA via CO. Flounder

And all the DrunkCyclist Hooligans. You all know who they are. But I ain’t authorized to name names. I think.

The Trail for Two Adventures

The SSWC18 track was one NOT to Forget. Perfect design, designed by some super freaks with extreme street cred. The track had a monster double track climb, which separated out the super from the freaks. Sported a short loop for the racers and athletes that were more focused on free beer than miles. (Free beer, anyone experience free beer at finish?) and a long loop to bring out the super in the super freaks.

And there were 2 or more beer stops. The 2nd beer stop, supported by …

beerstop2

By far, the ultimate beer stop on any single speed race in the history of humanoids on Planet Earth.

Super cool layout.

SSWC18 Race Track

With a big hill after a long climb.

 

 

And the elevation profiles… cuz I like data. And you like that I like data

Elevation Profiles graphic

Full on Ludacracy. Mind Bending. Baffling. We are still all confused

Some beer was available. Not enough beer. But… at least some thirsty single speeders could do a group fund thing and purchase some left over beer. I guess.

 

 

The Power of Tinder and The Power of The Philosofizer

So on Day 1 or Day 2. Well. Counting days at an SSWC event is kinda hard. Anyway. That ‘Day’ we were all out at the bar, probably like at noon. Or before. And BPR OR’s Spreader of Stoke was talking about the magic of Tinder. And ‘bragging’ about his skill and anointed position as a Tinder Professional.

Well. I, the Philosofizer, didn’t believe it. So, What did The Spreader of Stoke do? That MoFo posted pics of me, aka The Philosofizer, on his Tinder account and… he secured a ‘date’ and found a new girlfriend in a matter of hours. No Joke. The question remains. Was it The Spreader of Stoke’s professionalism or The Philosofizer’s pic that closed The Deal. Just wondering.

And the story continues on from there. But, what happens at SSWC, should stay at SSWC. Should. Must. Will.

The Power of OreGrown

OreGrown. What the…. Well. Let’s just say the many alternate lifestyles are now legal in states across the country. And let’s just say that many many freaks jumped into the now common lifestyle in OR. But… some MoFo’s work for corporate monopolies (huh?) that operate under federal rules.

So, at SSWC18, signal speed freaks were either searching out the big dense OreGrown clouds or dodging the dense clouds. One thing for certain, bars were Safe Zones. I think.

Yeah Party On.

Ghost’n IT

At the back of the pack we’ve mastered the strategy of Start Early & End Early. But at SSWC18 the BPR C.O.O. took it to another dimension of Ludacracy. That’s right. The MoFo, on almost every night in Bend, just disappeared… crawled back to BPR HQ. Two times, I think, the dude Ghost’d out before the sun set, like the sunset. Seriously, SSWC18 is all about Chaos and Ludacracy. But Ghost’n out of adventures with The Crew before the sun sets. F*^k’n bizarre. Wonder if OreGrown had anything to do with it.

Probably. Not. Just Rookies doing Rookie things

Speaking of SSWC Rookies, You’re an SSWC Rookie IF

  1. You’re a rookie
  2. You show up thinking the race organizers will provide all the beer you’ve ever wanted
  3. You can’t wait to see the results
  4. You jump on social media and ask “when will the results be posted”
  5. You’re a rookie and plan to NEVER attend another SSWC race
  6. You converted your geared bike to a SS, for the 1st time
  7. You’re more worried about your biking shoes and cleats and kit than managing the race day hangover.
  8. You stand in a 30 minute beer lines for 6 fluid ounces of beer and 6 cubic inches of foam…. and you don’t realize that you could’ve just brought your own fuck’n 12 pack and avoided the line…. the 30 minute line for 6 fluid ounces of beer.
  9. You ghost out of the pre race party because you are tired and want to rest up for the ‘race’
  10. You bring your kids to the pre race party, the post race party… and simply the entire race weekend. AND then you yell at Jolly for using four letter words, in front of your kids.
  11. You bring your spouse / significant other… a spouse / significant other that doesn’t understand the single speed lifestyle, to SSWC.
    • Full Disclosure. If you have a spouse / signifiant other that is a part of the single speed lifestyle… then you and your spouse / significant other ARE living The Dream. Just say’n… (BTW. if your ‘other’ has a sister that wants to meet The Philofizer, let me know.)

Fame & Glory… at the Back of the Pack. 

Refer back to the Race Track overview, aka, The Trail of Two Adventures.

At the back of the pack we aren’t too interested is results or bragging rights or records. (I think.) But we, will I, want to acknowledge the super freak BPR MoFos that executed enough crank revolutions to complete the long lap. Truly heroic efforts when tempted by all the free beer on the course and at the finish. (Wait. Was there beer at the finish? Well, I’ve just been notified there was one keg, and 1st 20 or so finishers killed it. Wait, I mean the 1st 20 or so single speeders at the finish, killed it.)

Anyway. Way to execute the crank revolutions: Master of  Braap, Cjell, Fatty, Gnarly, Long Lost, Jolly and…

Dead Last Doesn’t Mean Loser. Maybe

I’ve only experienced 5 SSWC events. So I’m not exactly sure that DFL is a recognized finished position. I always thought it was 1st or …. something else. (Refer to the Rookie list above.) Anyway. at SSWC18 there was some back door shit going in with a recognized and celebrated DFL position. The DFL position was awarded to an individual that was not the last one to finish, which challenges the term Dead F*^k’n Last. But maybe there was a time limit in the DFL category. Yeah. Cutoff time for Dead F*^k’n Last. That’s weird. Must be an Oregrown type thing.

Anyway, at the back of the pack, Dead Last Doesn’t Mean Loser. But Dead Last means the LAST MoFo on the trail. Pretty simple.

Party on….

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The Creeper Van aka BPR Beer Delivery Vehicle

There are Creeper Vans and then there are Creeper Vans full of beer. We like the ones full of beer. Da Beard, BPR ND, delivered. Delivered a massive amount of empty calories. That was insanely cool But we were creep’d out, a bit.

 

And the best thing about SSWC… free stuff

like stickers. full on ludacracy

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SSWC19. New York to Slovenia

So. there was bit of confusion in the crowd. Now exactly sure how it all went down. But the New York entry won, but reassigned the hosting rights to Slovenia. I think there was a back alley deal. Which is kinda cool. NY would’ve been awesome. Cuz BPR has a solid set of chapters on the east coast. But Slovenia will be super cool too. Cuz the Slovenian (?) Dudes and Dudettes are totally f*^k’n cool.

Yeah. I’m looking for a fairly inexpensive 1st Class Ticket to Slovenia. That’s right. Phat MoFos only fly 1st class. (what’s inexpensive you may ask… always depends on The Available Credit, MoFo.)

And I wonder… I wonder if any dude or dudette SSWC CHAMPION made a date with tattoo removal specialist. 

pride

Yeah. it’s gonna happen. sooner or later. especially when semi-local geared pros continue to invade the single speed community for one race, in one lifetime.

Why do I say that? The rumor in The Crowd at the post race party was that the SSWC champion was not exactly committed to the tattoo. Probably just rumors. f*^k’n rumors. especially rumors that are believable.

Just wondering, if you were a SSWC champion, where would you place the world famous tattoo? Which were would the ink gun touch down of the canvas? Just wondering.

Speaking of rumors and fake news, did you hear that an alien spaceships past right by Earth? Yep, just reporting. https://theconversation.com/evidence-of-aliens-what-to-make-of-research-and-reporting-on-oumuamua-our-visitor-from-space-106711?utm_medium=ampfacebook&utm_source=facebook

And did you know

If you roll at the back of the pack, you can drive 1200 miles faster than you can fly 1200 miles. No joke. Just ask any of the jokesters that were stuck in the Bend / Redmond Airport.

The Pics

The Prep-Er-a-tion

 

 

Going Towards Chaos

 

 

The Days Before The Race

 

 

The ‘Race’

 

 

The Days After

 

 

Racing Away from The Memories

 

 

Ludacracy… who the hell invaded the single speed world championships? 

Ok. Let’s ease get back to the meditation.

Close your eyes. Take a deep deep breath. Hold it for 4 seconds. Exhale slowly. Repeat 4 times.

Free your mind…..

Now put your mind in a single speed state. Yes. The Single Speed State.

Imagine a crazy 10 mile climb on your single speed, with like 500 of your best friends. If you are a real single speeder…. your roll’n 2×1, just say’n, just had to throw that our there. (And if you don’t understand 2×1…. well, I guess you love your geared rig a bit too much.)

So… You’re Tired. You’re Blown. But You’re Love’n Life.  You’re exhausted. But you’re feeling the single speed love.

Then…

Well. on second thought. No need to explain anything. Just 3 different freaks accused me of riding an E-bike, just because I was grinding up the hills, fat and single and rigid. This negative vibe was definitely not expected at a single speed event. Whatever. I’ve been hit with the ‘E-bike’ accusations before, usually in big races where geared freaks can’t handle a 230 pounder cranking past them. Yeah. geared freaks on 15 lbs carbon bikes with electronic shifting, can’t handle a dude crushing it, back of the pack style, on a 27 lbs fat rigid single speed machine. Huh. Wonder if there were geared freaks hiding in the crowd of single speed fanatics. Yeah. Maybe that was it.

Anyway. Re-center to BPR Reality. We, the BPR crew at the far back of the pack, were pounding the beer, pounding the booze at Beer Stop 1. And I was explaining the situation to Paul aka Horseshoe of BPR NM, and Paul was the maniac that I was trying to stay up with, thus my hyperventilating. And I simple said. “Can you believe it? I was just Throw’n Down The Power and, at times, had to coast a bit on the uphills, like spin’n out dude, and these f*^k’n rookies accused me of riding an E-bike.” Then we laughed. And we drank some free beer. And we laughed. And then we hit the DC Fireball bottle. And then we laughed. And then we jumped on the single speed machines and Threw Down the Power to Beer Station #2.

So. Just to be Clear. SSWC18 was nuts. Full on NUTS. Good Nuts. Bad Nuts. All Nuts. Just crazy. Ludacracy in the flesh. SSWC18 was definitely a trip to… forget.

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