24 Hrs in the Old Pueblo, v2013. a short review

380 miles at the back of the pack ain’t that bad, if your crew is racing in the 4 man team division. But three dudes riding solo, it’s marginal, at best.

But hey, that’s cool. And we are getting old. Hell, The Lt Col is retired and moving to a retirement community in Florida. The Morale Chairman decided that W-O-R-K was more important that Old Pueblo. (I hate that 4 letter word….W-O-R-K.) The Judd decided that hanging with The Lt Col, at his last race… ever, was more important that busting through the 200 mile barrier. AND The Mad Rhino WOULD’VE busted through the 200 mile barrier, but The Judd forgot to wake up The Mad Rhino, like 4 times.

And then there is Prob-eee. We told Prob-eee that we were signing up for Old Pueblo. We told Prob-eee that we signed up for Old Pueblo. Then a few weeks prior to Old Pueblo Prob-eee says “You really going? I thought you said you weren’t.” Unbelievable. (Prob-eee = Probationary Member. THE Prob-eee is clearly still on probation.)

Anyway, life goes on. Old Pueblo v2013 was awesome. Most of us will be back next year. Maybe we can drag the Lt Col out of retirement. Maybe.

The Ludacracy, The Idiocracy at the BACK OF THE PACK:

This blog posting ain’t the norm. As us dudes behaved ourselves at Old Pueblo. Probably because The Morale Chairman wasn’t available to boost MORALE. So there wasn’t any scandal, no one ended up in jail, there were no late night marriage proposals, and no one got naked… in a public way. So, there ain’t much to talk about. But I’ll ramble through a few key points.

The Lt Col’s view of 24 hr racing:

Lt Col (ret) sums up his view of 24 Hour Racing… recall The dude is retired AND 45 years Old.

“All I want to do is camp, ride my back for 5 to 6 hours a day. Drink good beer. Eat good food.”

——–

it’s a pivotal time for Back of the Pack Racing

we need a big boost – cuz of The Lt Col’s departure from The Great Southwest

we really, really need a beer sponsorship.

that would help us once again DOMINATE… at the back of the pack

Quote of the Race:

The Lt Col (ret): “it’s a nice night for camping. A shitty night for suffering”

The angry women:

The majority of racers were totally cool at Old Peublo v2013. There were no massive trailside assaults as experienced in v2012 and even v2011. BUT there were a few angry riders out there. And believe it or not, 3 women on lap 1 were the WORST. (But angry women drive us NUTS! so it’s cool.)

Lap 1, Angry Woman Episode:

Angry Woman YELLS, at The Judd: If you have a shot at the hole, TAKE IT!
The Judd stops to think: Uh Dudette. Wouldn’t we need to get off the bikes… for behavior like that?

The Visual Definition of the single speed lifestyle:

People offen wonder what the single speed lifestyle is all about. Here is a visualization… for you:

Muffin tops and yoga pants – while cranking away on the single speed. Bitch’n!

Awards:

At the back of the pack we ain’t into the podium stuff. (If a trip to the podium produces thousands in gold bullion, then it’d be a different story.) But we do have the need to recognize outstanding performances from the crew that… does it a bit differently.

Mad Rhino: why didn’t you wake me up award – 10 laps. a new personal best. AND a tie with the B.P.R. Old Pueblo record.

The Lt Col: I just wanna camp and ride my bike – 7 laps. the swan song. not much else to say.

The Judd: if The Lt Col is crashing, I’ll stick around to take pictures – 7 laps. just because. it’s about The Race… not the race. don’t understand? figures.

A Dude named Jeff: if I only had plaid and patches I’d break 200 miles – 12 laps. That’s right, Jeff was an honorary dude at the back of the pack. Jeff laid down a cool 12 laps. But he needed a bit more energy to bust through the 200 mile barrier. We believe that extra bit of energy / strength is available via B.P.R. patches and plaid. Seriously.

The new strategy to scare the competition:

So people have the idea that all we do is sleep… at night. Well, that ain’t true. We RIDE! Now that there is a B.P.R. generator we WILL have the lights on and the KoRn blasting all night. Cuz there ain’t no quiet hours at the back of the pack. AND the illusion (?) of an active pit always scares the competition. So I’m thinking.

The most tender moment:

Dirty of DrunkCyclist.com gave The Judd a nice big hug. Followed by a shot of Tequila. A tender moment almost turned into a gut wrenching series of upchucks. Tequila at the Back of the Pack creates great memories. (Rumor has it that The Lt Col enjoys Tequila, from time to time. But only if he is wearing a elf outfit, so I hear.)

Funny S*^T:

The Mad Rhino blasting 500 lumens at the ceiling of The Creepy Van. If only The Judd woke him up, routinely, then The Mad Rhino would’ve busted through the 200 mile barrier and smoked the long standing B.P.R. Old Pueblo lap record… held by The Judd.

Excuses:
Most people think that the crew at the back of the pack rolls with impecable integrity. But truth we told, we are high performers. And when we don’t perform… we have excuses. Some are better than others. But the excuses are a fundamental part of The Alternative Reality. So, the excuses for not busting through the 200 mile barrier.

The nasty beard is bad luck. Seriously, it might be.
When The Lt Col say “we’re stopping for beer, then we’re stopping for beer.” He is the BPR Elder Statesman.
The Morale Chairman stayed home. Our spiritual leader was not available to boost our morale via strategic carbo loading.
When you don’t brush your teeth for 4 days everything is affected. Including your performance on the single speed.
If we rode through the night we would’ve run outta food – so we had to slow it down.

And I ain’t joking… about this one.

Lessons learned:
We’ve logged countless miles at countless 24 hour races. So there ain’t many lessons that we haven’t learned. And two new lessons were learned at Old Pueblo. Ok, the definition of LEARNED can be debated… philofized about.

If you take a beer, from the beer dudette, during the LeMan’s start. Find a way to dispose of The Plastic Dixie Cup. Because The Plastic Dixie cup in you pants on lap #1 slows you down. Seriously. It does. So Word to the Wise: If handing out beer on the LeMan’s start, provide a trash can down stream. Because ‘green teams‘, like Back of the Pack Racing, don’t toss trash and don’t like pack’n dixie cups in the khaki 100% cotton race shorts.
If you roll with the name The Mad Rhino and you LOCK up your chair so you don’t sit down during the race. You may also want to lock the doors to The Creepy Van. Because going horizontal is ONE STEP past sitting down. I think.

I have WAY TOO much time on my hands… so I’m told: