24 Hours in the Sage: Dumb & Dumber

Better LATE than NEVER.. or not.

24 hrs in the Sage calls the race “the best race at a party“. Well… it is. Show up next year.

Anyway:

A world championship takes years of training and watching and learning. And the right equipment. I’m in The Process. I’ll be ready to make a run for it in 2014… to challenge the 2 Time World Champion, The Durango Kiid. AND the other past champions and the many challengers.

Yep, the initial townie success on 2012 must be a result of positive peer pressure. (Check this 2012 review for details of The Great Race. 2012 Townie World Championships.) The 2013 failure was more about lack of preparation – equipment. And a loss of the pain threshold that was once a cornerstone of Back of the Pack Racing. AND I gotta pull my HEAD out of my A$$ and stop being… Dumb N Dumber.

The Durango Kiid, World Champion.
Pic ripped off from Drunk Cyclist and Devon Balet Media

So, as always, we learn many many lessons at these ‘races’, here is a few that we must share with the general public.

Lessons Learned:

Beer wastage. Young skinny hipsters have no IDEA what a rare resource beer is, let alone free beer… from Oskar Blues. So, a Skinny Hipster biker dude was pouring beer like a bartender…. letting the foam run out and run out and run out until the cup is totally full of foam free beer. Kinda dumb. Ok, really dumb. Let the beer settle out dude! It’s free. Be patient. Don’t waste good beer. We’re watching you. No Joke.
Be very careful with the latch on the Porta-John. You may think it’s latched, then a dude roles in and catches you…

What IS the Ideal Townie:

I think I have this figured out. I have an 11 month construction project on my hands.

single speed, of course
frame that is early 80s or ‘earlier’
LOTs of RUST…. it works, ask The Durango Kiid.
size XXL or larger, for us big dudes
FENDERS! fenders are COOL. customer fenders are AWESOME!
top tube (DzNuts) pad
coaster brake
front Vee brake
‘comfortable’ seat, I mean ‘saddle’
platform petals
ergo bars…. old skool, that enhance the ‘standing’ & ‘sitting’ & ‘walking’

the 3 DEFINED speeds to Single Speeding

bell AND (or?) horn
a bad a$$ rider… that WILL be me, I hope. Someday.

What I Missed:
…because I was trying to be responsible and sleep and stay ‘hydrated’ like real ‘racers’. This Fire Booter is SERIOUS S*^T and I missed most of it.

ever witness a Golf Cart go over The Fire Booter?

me neither, but it happened

ever witness a 4 wheeler go over The Fire Booter… and catch on fire?

me neither, but it happened

ever witness a dude drop a chain going up The Fire Booter?

me neither, but the dude survived. I was told.

ever witness a dude pop a tire and flip a bike over The Fire Booter?

me neither, but the dude didn’t die. I think.

What’s a Fire Booter?

it’s a jump, over a fire pit
show up to one of the BIG 24 hour races, you may see one

Dumb N Dumber:

… The Lt Col (ret) and The Judd are not the sharpest tools in the shed, be we have big sheds and lots of tools. I think. Anyway, what was Dumb n’ Dumber about this trip?

Sea Level to 8000 ft. Quite the Challenge for a 6’3″ single speed turned spear fisherman. Kinda dumb.
Hang’n all weekend at a 24 hour race, but show up with no beer. AND make no attempt to show up with beer. That’s not dumb. That’s Dumber than Dumb.
How many times is The Judd gonna see Drew and not recognize him? But it really ain’t my fault when he shaves off the Keisel Beard.

A Final Thought
The 2 time World Champion, The Durango Kiid, is gonna have some wicked competition next year. I always achieve my goals, I just don’t have many goals in my old age. BUT a World Championship in 2014 IS MY GOAL. Enough Said!

The Final Thought:

Riding bikes is a ton of fun. But you must ensure that riding bikes is a ton of fun. Get it?

A Friendly Reminder:

from what I heard… the Keg deliver(r) gets free entry into v2014, so I’m told.

And….

Wanna know how it’s done. Check out The Stomparillaz Brigade: the https://www.facebook.com/StomparillazBrigade. Just Say’n

What’s Next… at the Back of the Pack: