SHOW UP til you BLOW UP. Dude. SHOW UP til you BLOW UP.
Yeah. Some Super Freaks have strategies. And then us MoFos at the Back of the Pack just get on the bike and turn the cranks… and we just deal with all bad strategies, all bad decisions, if needed. Or we curl up on the ground and start crying for mommy. (Well probably not. It’s a unwritten rule that all tear jerk’n at the back of the pack must be done in private.)
So we just RAGE at the back of the pack. Or try to. And there ain’t no faking it. I think.
And before I get into The Ludacracy of it all… gotta say a few things about DK200… It was like a 11 to 12 hour drive east for us freaks that roll out of BPR New Mexico. That’s a long way for a one day race. And I wasn’t exactly psyched about being cage’d up in the BPR Pinto with The Morale Chairman for 12+ hours, each way. (Yeah. The Dude is hard to deal with.) BUT it was worth it. DK200 must be The Template for Race Organization. And the ultimate example for wicked awesome race volunteers. And Emporia KS is just flat out FUN. I loved the experience. I loved the race. All the racers were awesome. Just an awesome assembly of freaks on bikes. Yep. I’ll drag the BPR CREW back for v2017. (Full Disclosure: the BPR Iowa Crew is way out in front on this one. I’m a DK200 Tourist. Those dudes are DK200 Professionals.)
And then there is the brotherhood / sisterhood @ the back of the pack. When people see us dudes and dudettes at the Back of the Pack ‘they’ think Hooliganism. I, WE, think of comradery that rivals the bonds of brotherhood. Yeah, it takes a unique dude or dudette to roll with the crew. And BPR has the magic of attracting the unique freaks. You see, we have a simple philosophy when it comes to Roll’n at the Back of the Pack… roll’n as one of The Crew… just be cool, represent all that’s good on Planet Earth, all that’s good in bike ‘racing’ (ok ‘riding’) and then the super freaks will show and contribute to the BPR HOOLIGANISM.
And let me tell you. The BPR freaks showed up at DK200: Churchy (BPR KS), Ti-Machine & Front Man (BPR IA), Trey Stisle (soon to be BPR CO), Preacher (BPR MI) and his Stroker or Stoker or Something… G-UNIT. And then two Founding Fathers ->The Philosofizer & The Morale Chairman (BPR NM). And we can’t forget Brian and Scott of Iowa (soon to be BPR IA…????) . And our buddy Jim from TX.
Yeah. Man. It was a freak show at DK200. And BPR tackled the challenge head on and lived to tell the stories. Well, we’ll keep some of the stories private. Just because.
So keep reading this race report if you wanna hear what went down. Dude. Dudette.
Back of the Pack Race Report: Dirty Kanza 200:
14 Words to Sum it All UP
200 miles on the dirt. In less than 24 hours. Fat and Single. Insane.
1 Pic to Sum it All UP
Ti-Machine: All us dudes at the back of the pack love your freakish super freak-ness. We all wanna grow up to be like you. Yep. All us youngsters are proud just to be in ‘your circle’. Keep it up. Dude.
A Few Pics to Tell More of The Story:
And for any DK200 freaks that were leap frog’n me on Segment 3… I’m sure you want to hear Danzig / Dominion again. I only played the tune for 5 hours straight. (Yeah. Had to take myself back to the glory days of the 90s.)
And my initial strategy was to play Vitalic / Poison Lips for 20 hours straight. Yeah. That didn’t happen.
OK. LET’s GET SERIOUS:
A Million Thanks
A few things turn a standard race experience into the Ultimate Race Experience. Yep. A few things = 3 things for DK200.
S*^T Dawg. It’s proven that fat Mofos like me can’t exactly excel at ultra endurance events, especially on a PHAT single speed. So last year I pulled my head out of my a$$ and decided to get serious. It’s safe to say that my ‘success’ at Arrowhead 135, 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo and DK200 are directly related to the excellent training plan that Tracy constructed and the whip that she cracks on a weekly basis. Yeah. PhatNess is a life long battle but it’s a battle worth fighting. So find a training program and beat the evil phat force into submission.
And if you just want to find your inner awesomeness, like The Preacher, Tracy can help you with that too. Just Say’n.
The Crew. Jesse & Leah
The Preacher donated his hippie love van for BPR support… support at the checkpoints. And Jesse volunteered to be The Support Crew for all BPR freaks. Jesse did a fantastic job. AND… when the workload became a bit extreme, Jesse found a support crew for the support crew. Leah was out and about on her bike and jumped at the chance to support the support. So Huge thanks to Jesse and Leah. You freaks are the best.
The Crew-For-Hire / Never Let Go Fund. Great People. Great Cause. Great Support. And the hot dawgs at Checkpoint 3 (and pickle juice).. totally awesome. Just what a dude needed at mile 161.
The Results… at the Back of the Pack
*BPR Championship points are generated via The Algorithm. NOT a linear equation based finish time. Obviously. Refer to The History, the BPR Championship Series for more info, if you care.
*Brian: “I’ll just go out for a joy ride, turn the cranks for 18+ hours then head off to the nightclub… cuz my hair looks good and my ‘kit’ is clean and pressed.” 1st dude to cross the finish line at 18 hrs and 18 min.
*Scott: “Do you want the red pill or the blue pill. Well, on second thought, I’m keeping the blue pills cuz you never know what is down the road” 2nd dude finish. 18 hrs & 18 min
The Front Man: “Yeah I got pulled a bit by a foxy foxy mama. But I’m still the Front Man, I still set the pace. But I’ll dial it a back a bit for you freaks in the back of the front of the back of the pack“. Finished in the Front of Group #2 @ 18:34.
+Trey Stiles: “This is a fatbike, that’s why I’m rolling 4.8 knobby’s @ 8psi. What’s your excuse for those 3.8 Black Floyds at 20psi?” Finished in group #2 @ 18:34.
The Philosofizer: “I’m a racer. I’m gonna finish before the sun sets. I don’t care what the Front Man says…. Hey Front Man. WAIT FOR ME. It’s dark out here. It’s getting cold. I’m tired. PLEASE WAIT!” Finished in group #2… in the dark… @ 18:34.
The Preacher & G-Unit: “You may call this a tandem. I call it a racing machine with a built in stoker. And watch out. Cuz I disabled the breaks. No need for added resistance” Finished in 5th place tandem @ 18:54. (And would’ve been 2+ hours faster, But G-UNIT Stoker had to shower / brush teeth, aka, primp, at every checkpoint. Just the facts.)
The Ti-Machine: “I’m with Trey. I’m racing a fat bike with massive knobby tires and I’ll dial it back to 7psi? Why? Because I can. Because I’ve finished this race 4 times, I need a challenge, I have the power output calculated I have the calories stored and… and I ain’t no roadie with fast tires and high psi… just say’n.” Finished @ 19:53
Churchy: “I’m roll’n 42xYM, 32xYM is so old skool. And I may wear fashionable sandals. Cuz you gotta regulate your body temp via toes and fingers. And I’m gonna roll in right at 23hrs. Cuz I paid for the race and I want to experience the entire race. Dude“. Missed 3rd cutoff by like 10 minutes. But was on pace to ‘experience’ the entire race.
The Morale Chairman: “I’m coming off the couch. Cuz training is for racers. And I have a really really cool couch. But I’ll put in a few miles, tour the countryside, open dialog with racers. Boost morale, cuz that’s what I do.” Pulled out at mile 102… the pit crew needed a Morale Boost.
*Future Dudes of BPR IOWA
+New dude in the BPR Crew. Trey Stistle bypassed the ‘probationary’ period, cuz, in reality, the dude is responsible for Back of the Pack Racing. Don’t understand? Read the history, talk to The Hustorian. It’s all about The Titanium. Dude.
The Race / The Route / The Track
Just a map and the meta beta data (the what?)
*Data generated by a phat dude on a fat bike, fat & single. Roll’n 32xYM.
The DK200 Experience
Just some random comments about The Race. Rational comments. I think.
DK200 or DK206
So. I thought we were at a 200 mile race. But we turned the cranks for 206 miles. And let me tell you… those ‘extra’ 6 miles SUCKED. I was tired. So why the extra 6 miles? Rumor has it that the race organizer ensures that you, the racer, experiences 200 miles of dirt. So… there were like 6 miles of asphalt and 200 miles of dirt. Kinda makes sense. Kinda cool. Now that I think about it.
Man. The mysteries of skinny tire (tyre). It’s totally NUTS racing with dudes and dudettes that are roll’n super skinny tires.
- Freaks with Flats, a common sight. We heard rumors of freaks and flats. Kinda scared me at 1st. Until the BPR Front Man told me that a fat tire flat is unheard up. (And he was right. No flats for any BPR dude on a fat bike.)
- Freaks with broken chains and derailleurs (? ever heard of such a contraption?) during the carnage in the early miles. Wi$h I had a picture of that.
- Dudes in their kits just passed out in the weeds. Seriously these skinny tired freaks would just pull over and pass out in the weeds. Like what the hell? Was The Mothership on the way? Was I missing a wicked awesome party in the weeds?
- Dudes walking hills… for no reason. Come on man. Use those derailleur things. Turn the cranks over.
Anyway. I’m just joking. I think. Maybe not.
What made DK200 uniquely hard
So. In terms of Back of the Pack Racing. Why was the DK200 such a unique and challenging experience?
- Had to go balls out for 200 miles. No joke. Jokester. All other races you have time to chill. Relax. Rest. Not so with the DK200 due to the time limit. You, I, us had to get moving at the race start and keep moving. The time limit is no joke. Especially on a fat and single machine.
- Racing wide open distances without water options and with a goal of minimizing weight. That’s something new. Something very different. Something unsettling. Cuz you gotta plan. And you gotta be good at planning. And this is different from BikePackRacing. Cuz in bikepacking you carry water filters. Excess bottles. You do recon. You know what you need and you carry extra. No so with the DK200. You plan for the minimum, minimum volume and minimum weight. And that makes it hard. Dude.
Before we get to the Alternate Reality, The Ludacracy, I need to present the few Lessons Learned. Cuz lessons are important… if the lesson is learned. Just Say’n
- Don’t forget the meds. Dude. That would mean don’t forget the Aleve, Advil, Ibuprofen. Whatever ‘it’ is. Whatever your med of choice is. That’s right dude. Single Speeders tend to ‘hurt’ a random times. So kick back some Aleve and ‘hurt’ a bit less. Yep. I forgot my Aleve and had to bum some off of Scott. (But Scott wouldn’t fork over the little blue pills. For some reason. Yeah. That’s probably Ok.)
- Food variety. Dude. Food Variety. Although the Crew-for-Hire was awesome. And a great cause. You, I , us really need a dedicated crew that can pack real meals. Eating shot blocks and clif bars just won’t do it for 200 miles, 16+ hours. Just my opinion. Yeah. Crew-for-Hire had wicked awesome hot dogs and Subway at the final checkpoint. And Crew-for-Hire delivered the 3 drop bags or your packing. I just had no idea how to pack perishable food in the drop bags. (This ain’t winter up in northern Minnesota. Dude. You salmon sandwich may rot. Or spoil. Or whatever lingo you use.)
The Alternate Reality
Time to dig deep into the elements of DK200, the elements you have are no idea about… unless you roll at the Back of the Pack and get trapped in The Alternate Reality, from time to time.
The Conversation(s), Split Conversations, of The Race
So. I was cruise’n on Segment 1. I was Mash’n and I was focused on a finish – I was gonna beat the sun. And then ‘it’ got hot. And then the wind started to rip. And then I started to cry. (cry?)
And then I remembered the conversation I had with The Front Man the night before.
The Front Man said: ‘don’t even think about a crazy time goal. Just don’t. Seriously’.
The Philosofizer replied with a silent comment: ‘but I’m all about goals. I gotta think about some sort of race goal.’
Then at Check Point #2 The Front Man added more to the words lingering in my head, the head of The Philosofizer: ‘I told you, huh. Yep. Don’t even think about a time goal until maybe mile 182. Maybe at mile 182 you can think about a fast finish.’
The Philosofizer then figure it out. You see… when roll’n at the back of the pack it’s CRAZY to hit the track on a Fat single speed and think the race is against the clock. Cuz the race is against mind, the body and the elements. It always has been and it always will be. No joke. Think about that while you stuff you mouth with a Cheetos Burrito.
The Strategy… The Execution… of the Philosofizer
The Strategy? A Strategy?
People always ask “Hey Single Speeder? What’s your setup? What’s your strategy?”
How about… “32xYM and Show Up til You Blow Up. Dude.”
Full Disclosure. It look me 2 hours to accept that strategy. Yep. A 2 hr windup. But at the 2 hour mark it was on… like Donkey Kong.
Random Thoughts, Random Observations
- It’s f’d up to think, at the 3rd checkpoint: I’m almost done. Just 45 miles to the finish. What? 45 fat miles is a serious weekend training ride and I had a sense of clam knowing I only had 45 to go. Nuts!
- I put THE HAMMER down and still only finished 2 1/2 hours before the cutoff. Proof that fat and single at the DK200 is a one hell of a challenge… for a dude at the back of the pack
- So G-Unit lost his wallet. And G-Unit was losing his mind on post race Sunday. Couldn’t find it anywhere. And then… G-Unit found his wallet right where he put it, right in the secret spot he selected so he wouldn’t lose it. Yeah. The perfect plan during a night of drinking. Perfect.
- I never get cramps. I just don’t. I’m always well hydrated. It’s a secret benefit of IPA. Anyway. Around mile 138, or so, a steep hill appeared out of nowhere. And there were dudes with derailleur things WALKING the hill. What? Dudes with gears walking hills. Again! So… I had a short private conversation with myself. Yeah. Hell I’ll mash up that hill. Cuz I can. And then I did. Well. Within one mile I had some wicked painful cramps on my upper inner thigh area. (uh?) Yeah dude. What the hell? And the cramps didn’t really go away until Check Pt 3. Yep. Lesson Learned. Sometimes a single speeder should just walk the hills. Just should. Lesson Learned. F’n show off. F’n single speed. F’n me.
- So after the brutal 6 mile finish. The 6 miles after the 200 miles. What would you do to ‘decompress’. Hell, walk 3 doors down from the finish and hit the bar. No joke dude. Downtown finish. Bar 3 doors down. That’s the way all races should finish. Totally.
The 8th or 9th wonder of the world.
Trey and The Ti-Machine were turning the cranks on the wicked awesome fat bikes with monster knobby tires at a phat psi. What? Insane! The power output required by those dudes, versus us dudes on 3.8 Black Floyds at 20psi. I can’t even calculate the difference. Yeah. Hard to comprehend. You probably don’t know what I’m talking about. But I know what I’m talking about.
The Crazy S*^T
So Trey Stisle leaves the bar after the 1st beer and returns wearing a clean & stylish lounge shirt. No joke. The dude just rolled 206 miles pushing 4.8 knobby rubber @ 8psi AND he was packing a clean lounge shirt just so he would look good at the post race social. Wild. I wonder what else he packed on that single speed machine.
24 Hours in the Enchanted Forest. BPR AZ and BPR NM
Firecracker 50 BPR NM
Colorado Trail Race BPR NM
Vapor Trail 125 BPR CO & BPR NM
A Controversy… The Controversy
Anyone that knows me, The Philosofizer, knows that I get stressed out. I avoid arguments, I avoid nasty looks, I avoid grocery stores, I avoid Walmart, I avoid my neighbors, I don’t wave to people, I avoid politics (well, Judd for President, 2020.) Hell, I’d avoid nearly everything if I can. Cuz I’m all about Peace, Love and Harmony. Or something like that.
But with that being said. I’m also The Hustorian of BPR. So I added this info, these links, just to acknowledge the big post race conversation.
Yeah. In the end. It’s all cool. DK200. What an awesome event. What an awesome assembly of racers… all makes, all kinds, all shapes, all sizes and all forms of very very tight outfits. (That’s both good and bad. I think.) So. Party On. Dudes. Dudettes.
Just a random selection.
If you want a summary. Go to the top of the page. Enough is Enough. Let’s end this History Lesson with some DANZIG… more Danzig.
And MORE Danzig