24 Hrs in the Old Pueblo: Turning the Cranks. Back of the Pack Style

24 Hours in The Old Pueblo v2016. Wow. There is only two words that I can use to describe the experience this year… The Barrier. You know what I’m talking about?

The Barrier is THE 200 Mile Threshold. A few of us dudes are / were focused (Slightly focused? Kinda Focused? Not Really Focused?) on busting through the 200 mile barrier. A few of us were close 6 1/2 years ago – with 182.5 miles @ 24 Hours in The Enchanted Forest. The Lt Col (ret) came within 10.15 miles in 2014. But we failed. Year after year after year WE FAILED. Because of… Hooliganism and the inability to FOCUS on Pain & Suffering. The inability to find The Inner Athlete. The inability to put life on hold and FOCUS. Yeah. Focus.

We’ll. The Barrier is no more. I, Judd, busted through that beast at 24 Hours in the Old Pueblo with an official lap count of 13 and an unofficial mileage of 3*16.1 + 10*16.3 = 211.3 miles. (Why all the math? You don’t need to know.)

And that is the story for Old Pueblo v2016. If you wanna dive deeper into the standard BPR Ludacracy… read on. If not, go hug your honey and eat some Cheetos.

Out of Cheetos? OK. The Rest of the Story, The History, The Fiction:

And I’ll keep it short this time. As I gotta go horizontal. Us Athletes need like 8+ hours of sleep. And it’s past my bedtime.

The Crew, The Totality:

Man. What a crazy 5 days in the desert north of Tucson. What can I say. Everyone and Everyone showed up. Or at least those that matter: El Freako Racing, Coaster Culture, Drunk Cyclist, BPR AZ / BPR NM, The Gallup Freaks like Leddy and TurdFurguson.

And us dudes in The Crew gotta acknowledge all the hard work that Rob & Michele of Coaster Culture put into the pit. Just unreal. Thanks dude & dudette. You All are All Time.

Your Standard / Boring Question:

32xYM? YM = ?

The Answer: 32×18.

The Reality. Man. 32×18 was brutal. The day before the race I decided to change out to 32×19. BUT I couldn’t find my damn 19T cogs. (Left the 19Ts in The Land of Enchantment. Awesome.) So I busted out the first 2 laps. No problem. But on lap 3 it became apparent that I would be walking The Bitches sooner rather than later. So after lap 3 I decided to Skip The Bitches. Yeah. The extra 5+ minutes per lap adds up. Think about it. Lap 4 -> 13 with the extra 5+ min each = and extra hour of riding. Well, an extra hour if I was able to climb The Bitches. So. Lesson Learned? Go find that section below. Dude.

The Results:

I could, probably should, give you the run down of the results. But hey, how about A Pic? And if you really want to review the results… check out the real results here: epicrides.com/24results/2016

The Quotes:

The Judd: “El Freako, What’s your strategy?” El Freako “Show up til you Blow Up“
Mad Rhino: “I‘m going to start out slow and back off from there”
Ashley: “What’s Podium? Top 3?” El Freako: “F*^k No. Top 5! Or I wouldn’t be here!“

The Conversation of the Race:

El Freako caught me around 10AM on Sunday. Well, El Freako caught me and lapped me for the 2nd time. The dude was finishing lap 14 and I was on 12.

So El Freako stopped and The Conversation of the Race went like this.

El Freako: “Judd. It’s a total shit show out here”

Judd: “Really?”

El Freako: “Judd. It’s a total shit show out here“.

Judd: “Yeah. I know”

El Freako: “How do you know”

Judd: “Uh. You just told me“.

El Freako looks puzzled. Shakes his head and races off.

Yeah… you had to be there. I think.

The Strategy:

So my strategy @ the back of the pack was simple. Take it easy in the heat of Saturday afternoon, pick up the pace after the sun set and the temps dropped. Pound out an easy 13 laps.
Keep the pit times down to 5 min, 10 min if eating or changing gear. Simple. Right?
Keep my mind off the grind by jam’n out to tunes… well the same tune. Twenty One Pilots: Stressed Out. To keep me from Stress’n.

How it Went Down:

Show up til you Blow Up. Dude. I started out the first lap WAY back in the pack. As it’s 100% illegal to RUN at any bike race, even during a Lemans start.(Who are those thugs at the end of the Run? Two thugs that will never run at a bike race again!) Anyway. I grew restless after about 20 seconds on the bike. So I started thinking… thinking that I was headed towards 24+ hours of riding and would get dead tired sooner or later. So I decided to just… Show up til you Blow Up. I put my head down and focused on NOTHING but riding my bike. And it worked.

The Ludacracy:

Anyone that hangs at the back of the pack knows about The Ludacracy. Here are a few crazy random facts. Facts? Yeah. Facts grounded in Fiction.

Need a personal chef at a 24 hour race… just pit next to El Freako.
- By the way. Guess how many Quesadillas (that’s Quesa-DILL-as) two dudes can eat in one night. Answer: Hell if I know. El Freako and I killed all the Quesa-DILL-as (or cheese and tor-til-as) and we could’ve inhaled a few more. Or many more. Just say’n.
The Excuses: No excuses this time. And that is a completely new and unexpected dimension of The Alternate Reality.
- Truth be told. I keep wondering when The Excuses would hit me. But I kept telling myself. I’m here to ride. Nothing else. Keep those cranks turning.
- Yeah. That’s positive thinking at the back of the pack. And that’s a first. MoFo.
- Positive Thinking – No Excuses. Probably due to the Athlete-ism created by the BPR Colorado Leader -> Thelen Coaching.
The Melt Down: Lap 4. My Exposure Maxx-D light twisted off the mount right when the sun set. I couldn’t get my damn multi-tool untapped. I couldn’t get the damn light tightened up. I was freak’n out cuz the 4th lap was the lap to add serious minutes to my time buffer. (what?) I just flat out freaked out. And what was the result? I turned off my music (Twenty One Pilots: Stressed Out… on repeat.) and put in the next 18 hours in complete silence. Yeah. Stressed Out.
The Vapor Lock: Geez. The early morning laps were brutal…brutal due to the dust. I had like a major, recurring Vapor Lock issue. (Or a series of Panic Attacks.) I flat out was having a hard time breathing on a few hills. Yeah. Maybe we’ll call it Panic Attacks… Panic Attacks because I couldn’t deal with The Reality that I WAS GONNA BUST THROUGH THE BARRIER before The Lt Col (ret). Sorry Lt Col. That’s just the way it goes.
Ever witness a freak dancing in the middle of the night while eating a hot pocket? Just go the a 24 hour race and watch El Freako’s pit stop routine. F*^k’n CRAZY!

The Lessons Learned:

The Drag’n Brakes: Eff Ugeyez called his solo race early – like after 3 laps. And thus the dude was able to help tune some drag’n brakes between lap 12 & 13. AND Mr. Eff Ugeyez said “dude, you would’ve passed the 200 mile threshold 9 hours ago if your brakes weren’t drag’n, your wheels were ‘true’ and you didn’t have 5L of Stans in each wheel.”
- Interesting. I’m thinking Eff Ugeyez was exaggerating, a bit. Maybe. Either way. Lesson Learned.
The Pit B*tch. Geez. My goal of 5 min to 10 min Pit Stops… a pipe dream. I think next time I’ll PAY someone in my pit crew (pit crew?) to stay somewhat sober so he / she could / can / will figure out that even simple tasks are a bit simple-er if both hands are free. To put it another way… life is complex if every task is performed with a beer in one hand.
- Just Joking. My Pit Crew was A-OK. Especially after the party ran out of steam and there was nothing to do but tension my chain and tell me how bad I looked.
32×18… Nope. Roll the 32×19. Just say’n. Learn my Lesson.

Passing Etiquette 101:

24 Hours in the Old Pueblo is known around the world for all the AWESOME passes thrown down by The Racers that put The Fellowship over anything else. Or not. So we won’t go into details… again. But I’ve got one question. Why won’t the freaks that yell out “Oh your left”, or “One More” or “MOVE” or “Rider Back” or “Faster Rider Up” or … whatever… why won’t these freaks SIMPLY ACCELERATE! Yeah freaks. ACCELERATE when you pass. Yeah, Or don’t. I’m pretty sure my momentum (p = mv) will dominate your skinny a$$… cuz I tip the scales at 220 lbs and you ain’t gonna shove me into that cactus. I think.

The Post Race Party:

So. In true Back of the Pack fashion. All the Hooligans packed up and left after the race. Not a single Hooligan in The Crew stayed Sunday Night… except for me, Judd, the dude formally known as The Hooligan. Anyway. Let it be known. El Freako showed us up again. That dude is a true professional. That dude threw back the brews until 12:30AM. That’s right. The True Professional crushed 15 laps, stood on The Podium, and then pounded beers for 5 hours after I, Judd, went horizontal. Yeah. I clearly don’t have IT anymore. But hey I have like 7 years until I’m ‘almost’ 50 like El Freako. So I have time. Just Say’n.

What’s Next:

Busting through the 250 mile barrier. Obviously.

And the Tunes:

Because this song is a perfect representation of The Alternate Reality and a great view into The Corporate World and The Lanes… like Swim Lanes… like Traffic Lanes. Don’t know what I’m referring too? Watch the video… think about the message of The Dudes in Chemical Suits. Or don’t.